It’s been quite a while since I’ve written anything on here, so I thought I would catch you all up to how things are going.
Usually I like to keep things light on this website; by posting things like funny links or funny stories or what-not. But like most humans, I have serious thoughts too, and those serious thoughts are actually what fill my head most of the time (whoodathunkit?)
It’s been almost a year since breaking up with my ex-girlfriend of 3+ years (1 year on the 20th of this month, with the date remembered so vividly because it was the Sunday after the Dark Knight premiere.) After a year I am still confident that it was the right decision, and after seeing how well she has moved on too, that is reinforced. We remain friends and still communicate from time to time via email. She could have very well hated me forever after the few months she went through after the break-up, so I am glad we are able to look back on and appreciate the time we spent together and to grow from it.
Over the last year I have not dated anyone else, but that’s not for a lack of trying. I tried the match.com, I tried the eharmony (well, ok, just the free communication weekend. Not long enough to really try it out,) I attempted communication with a few of my classmates over my last two semesters of school. I made some good friends, which is awesome, but no romantic interludes. Which is really fine, I’m not really in the need to date constantly. But I am looking, despite what I tell people and myself.
A friend from my hometown moved near to where I live now and we started hanging out mostly through our shared love of volleyball. We even very briefly considered more than that but quickly realized it was not for us.
I do have two interests at the moment, but both are out of reach. One I’ve never really hung out with, and the other is practically in another world. But they’re both beautiful people and I hope to at least get to know them more in the future if anything.
I guess one of my problems is that I fall for good people. And good people usually start out as friends. I meet good people in good situations, through good friends, or something similar. And I feel I am at a disadvantage when meeting new people or interacting with people that I like because most of my girlfriends had to know me for a while (at least a few months) before realizing “hey, this guy’s alright!” Which, again, is fine. I’m not out looking for a physical relationship at all, I’m not looking for marriage and a family right away. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for, I guess. And since I believe that things happen for a reason, I’m sure there’s a very good reason why I have not found (or at least am not with) the girl of my dreams.
Speaking of which, I was thinking the other day about how people get together, fall in love and get married. Do people about to get married consider that they just happened to be in the same place at the same time, on a world with 6 billion people? How do two people in Smalltown, USA meet and fall in love? Isn’t it more likely that their true match is somewhere else? I understand that it’s impossible to meet every person in the world, and that finding someone you can live with and enjoy is the point, and that you won’t find someone perfect. I completely understand, accept and embrace that. But it makes it hard for me to know where to be, what to look for, what feelings to trust and who to follow.
For example, ok, so I know this person that I am smitten by, and I mean whenever they walk in the room I get nervous and totally aware of how I am acting and what impression I’m making (this actually applies to each of my 2 interests, but ok.) And I am friends with this person and have a good relationship with them. They are a good person and someone that I could see myself being with and having a great time with. We met pretty much by chance, either in a class together or via mutual friends. It would be great to be friends with this person for the rest of my life, and to do so would make me a successful man. However, if I am interested and attracted to them, do I pass up this chance at being with a good person? I’m not saying I fall in love with all of my good, female friends. Not at all. I have many attractive, well-rounded female friends that are good people (and both are and aren’t married!) that I have no interest in at all in a romantic way (especially the married ones!) But these few that I am referring to here, do I take the chance, roll the dice and see if maybe there’s a spark? Or do I play it safe, allow the chips to fall where they fall, and let fate take control? I’m aggressive by nature in that respect, so it’s hard for me to just let things happen as they will. I feel like I need to take the reigns and work toward my fate. What do you think?
Aside from all of that drama, I am currently job searching after being graduated from college for going on 3 months. Getting by on freelance web projects was fun for a while, until I realized I was just paying bills, I wasn’t progressing my life at all. To do that I need to get out of where I am at. I am thinking that Chicago might be where I end up. There’s a handful of things that are calling me over in that direction. I’m not really a big city person, and I’m not sure how I would take to living there, but I think it is an experience that would benefit me. But it all depends on finding a job. I’ll update if/when that happens.
I’m not really sure what the future holds, and who knows where I will be a year from now. That’s ok, since a year prior to this I knew pretty much exactly what I would be doing: going to school. I am so glad to have that out of the way and to be able to move on. I am so fortunate to have the choice and the freedom to do so many different things with my life right now. I’m healthy (for the most part, though I’m wondering if I have Mono…), I’m skilled, I’m educated, I have great friends and family that support me, and I have luxuries that allow me to live comfortably. I don’t count my blessings as often as I should, and I probably complain too often for what I do have in life, but I do realize what I have and am tremendously thankful for it.
As usual, this post is like one of those Family Circus comics where the boy follows the path all over, zig-zagging from one place to the other. I guess that’s how my brain works, or at least how it’s working right now. Thanks for reading.